By Stacie Sagel

Our world and our God have two very different meanings of the word popular. This world thinks popularity is all about what you have, what you look like, the things you do, and how people perceive you. Whereas our God is concerned with what’s inside, what you’re going through, how you love and serve others, and how much you are willing to risk to follow Him.

The famous passage in Matthew 16:25-26 says,“Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” God wants us to lose ourselves in Him first and foremost because He knows when we do, we are released from the chains this world tries to put on us and we can live freely and content in Him alone. This is not an easy verse to apply to our lives frankly because it tells us we have to give up our life. But we are giving it up with the promise that we will live abundantly in God and have eternal life with Him.

I grew up going to public schools so I know the pressures and the draw to be accepted, to fit in, to be well liked, and popular at your school. I remember lunch time was everything. From the moment you entered the cafeteria, where you sat, who you sat with, and if you made them laugh was of utmost importance. Those trying to be popular at your school, are willing to give up anything to make that happen. They are willing to give up who they really are to look like someone else. They are willing to talk and do things they know aren’t right or wise for the sake of being cooler. They treat everyone else like they are nothing so they can be everything. Are you willing to take such measures? My question is – what is so attractive about acting like that? Why is there such a pressure to be like that? That is definitely not what God wants us to act like. He spends tons of time talking in the Bible about how to love one another by serving them.

To love your friends and the people at your school takes selflessness, courage, and confidence. All found in your relationship with God. It won’t be easy, and He says in John 15 that they will persecute you just like they did to Him. So how can we stand up for Christ, battle the urge to be popular, and be confident in who we are as His daughter? There is no easy answer. There is only a daily relationship with Jesus that will help you navigate these difficult years of being tempted over and over again by such a strong voice of culture and the world telling you to do what’s cool. Telling you to drink, do drugs, have pre-marital sex, dress any way you want, see these movies, listen to this music, and talk anyway you want because its popular to do so. But it is all lies from Satan, so that you will fall and destroy the plans that God has for you. Think about it – drugs and alcohol leave you messed up, not in control, and can even get you in trouble with the law, and yet this is cool? Not being pure can cause many health problems even resulting in pregnancy, and yet this is cool as a teenager? These things are all traps that will prolong you from the abundant life God has planned for you.

It is not easy, but the blessings and the rewards for being popular in the sight of God are immeasurable. Not only eternal life, but experiencing true life here on this earth. God’s plan for us is the best. It is sometimes hard to see when it feels like everyone around you is not following God’s way. But I urge you then to surround yourself with other Christian women even if they are older to encourage you to live according to God in this world, for they can offer you wisdom from their life and tell you their own real life blessings of how great it is to follow God’s plan.

If I were sitting down and having coffee with you right now, I would so encourage you to hang in there. I would tell you story after story about how God has blessed my life by choosing to follow His voice instead of the “popular” voices of this world. I would tell you stories from high school where I messed up and chose to act popular in my friend’s eyes instead of God’s. I’d tell you that even though it is hard to stand up for what you know is right, it is worth it dear sister. And whatever situation you are in or however you are dealing with this struggle to be popular in the world’s eyes, I pray that God would reveal to you just how sweet it is to remain under His protection awaiting for His perfect plans for you to unravel in His timing.

By Mary Lynn Johnson

Dealing with drama and dramatic people is never easy. Drama is everywhere and it can consume our lives. Fortunately, with a little help, hurtful situations can be overcome and you can live above the drama.

Drama. The whispers, giggles, rumors, evil stares – we’ve seen it all. Sometimes it feels as if life depends on the things we call “drama”. It can dictate our lives, emotions and our actions.I’ve known some pretty cool ladies through my life. A lot of my girl friends I’ve known since I was little and each one is a blessing in my life. We have lots of fun together and share lots of giggles. I trust them, I careabout them, I enjoy them, but most importantly, the friendship is mutual. Unfortunately, not every relationship with our fellow females turns out to be a BFF. In fact, most of them don’t. If you haven’t already, although chances are you have, you’ll encounter some of those kinds of relationships with girls throughout your life.

Meet the Drama Queens:

The back-stabber: This kind of girl is probably not uncommon to you. Nothing can quite prepare you for the hurt that comes with the betrayed trust and loss of a friend. Claws come out, rumors spread, and sides are taken. Back-stabbers make you believe you can trust them and then turn on you, seemingly ruining your life. They can even turn other friends against you.

The on-again-off-again friend: On-again-off-again friends are tough situations. It’s really hard to handle the uncertainty in these friendships. Being in a relationship like this sure can feel lonely and frustrating. Once a friend, they can turn into an enemy practically instantly.

The spotlight: We all know at least one of these. The girl that always has to be the center of attention. Whether it’s always one-upping you in whatever you do, or causing problems and needless drama just because she thinks its fun. No doubt, stress levels run high in these situations.

Sometimes it feels like the only solution to these situations is to go home and have a good cry. Honestly, being in these types of relationships with girls can be some of the most hurtful experiences in life. Drama-creators are bullies, and bullying is never okay. But believe it or not, there really are some helpful solutions to deal with the drama queens!

How to Stop It: Tell someone you trust what’s going on: Each situation is different and only a parent, mentor or other trusted adult can help you think things through and help you make good decisions. It’s better not to turn to people who are directly involved in the situation, like mutual friends. If you’re uncomfortable talking to someone about your situation, come up with a code name for the people involved. That way, you can talk freely without getting too specific.

Decide if the situation is worth fighting: Sometimes rumors, arguments or accusations are better left untouched. Calling out that person on what they’re doing or saying may only fuel their anger and embarrassment even more. Asking for the Lord’s guidance and the advice of a trusted adult will help you put the whole situation in perspective. You’ll be able to weigh your options and decide if the potential benefits and consequences of calling out your drama queen are worth it.

Let adults get involved: If things are really getting out of hand, don’t hesitate to let the person you confide in help you out or find someone that can. Something that starts out as just a little ‘drama’ can quickly turn into something much bigger, and much more hurtful. Adults can help put an end to it!

Don’t blame yourself when someone gangs up on you: It’s easy to say “if only I had/hadn’t…” but you can’t blame yourself for someone else’s behavior or reaction. Their actions are their responsibility. But you can shift the overall outcome with how you react.

Understanding the drama queen: Jealousy really can bring out the monster in some people. Most likely if someone is trying to put chaos in your life, they’re intimidated by you or jealous of you and what you have. Or maybe they’re dealing with hard or painful situations in their own life. Let the Lord lead your heart as to how you can soothe jealous and bitter feelings in your drama queen.

Let it go: There’s a point when you have to stop giving the benefit of the doubt. If a person or a group are constantly putting you down, either to your face or behind your back, and dragging you into tense situations, you don’t have to continue to put up with their drama. You don’t have to make excuses for them; you’re not obligated to be anyone’s punching bag.

Take a step back and look at yourself: Could you be a drama queen to someone else?  If you feel like you may not be treating your friends the way you ought, the Lord wants to give you the heart of a true friend! You just have to ask him.

The true friend: Pour your heart out to God and seek His truth. How God sees you is more valuable than how others think of you! Let Him be the stress-reliever to the drama. If you pray for the people who are trying to tear you down, the Lord can do a great work in their hearts. He may be using the situation to bring you and your drama queen closer to Him!

Focusing on the great friends: The Lord says to be a friend to all, but you don’t have to be BFFs with people who cause stress and drama in your life. The Lord brings abundant and rejuvenating gifts through Christ-grounded friendships.

Surround yourself with people that will encourage you and walk with you in your faith. Take a look at some qualities the Word says makes a good friend (and you can use these verses to pray for your drama queen!):

A friend loves at all times… [Proverbs 17:17 NIV]

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother [Proverbs 18:24 NIV].

He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend [Proverbs 22:11 NIV].

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! [Ecclesiastes 4:10 NIV]

But above all, Jesus is the truest friend. He’s the kind of friend that will never leave you, never say a bad thing about you and never hurt you!

In the grand scheme of things, the drama in life is small compared to the great things the Lord will do (and is doing!) in your life. More importantly, God’s love is bigger than anything your drama queen throws at you. We don’t have to be a slave to the drama. After a while, the things that are important now won’t be so important anymore. People change and mature. Worldly things like drama fade away, and those things aren’t as important. The ideas people have about us won’t be as concerning to us when we focus on the Lord.

By Sarah Blanzy

Love God, love people.

It’s a phrase most of us have heard a lot. Especially lately. It seems to be the mantra of our generation and the slogan of most newer churches these days. It seems pretty basic and simple and it is starting to become trite. Most of us probably don’t take more than a couple of seconds to actually think about these five syllables. But that is such a mistake. In reality, these four simple words essentially sum up the teachings of Jesus Christ and explain what Christianity is all about.

In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus said, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” It is with this that Jesus responded when he was confronted by the Pharisees about the law. That is a big question. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” they asked. (Matt. 22:36) And he said to them, love God and love people.

Last year I read a book that changed my life. It is called Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. This book is about living life as an ‘ordinary radical’–a phrase coined by Shane to describe how we can be like Jesus; how we can live our lives not striving for greatness or success in human terms but rather being on fire for Christ, being His love with those around us.

The idea of really loving God and really loving people is one I think few, if any of us, can really understand, much less live out. Just take a moment and imagine what your day would be like if it was not about you and all about loving. Would you respond irritably when your mom peppers you with questions right when you wake up (even though your not a morning person and she knows that!)? Would you get mad at the driver who pulls out in front of you on your way to work or school and causes you to actually have to use your breaks? Would you refuse to take your brother to soccer practice because you were planning to take an afternoon nap? And that’s only the things you wouldn’t do! Think about all the things you don’t do that you could if you were living love.

So many of us struggle with the question of evil in the world. Why do so many bad things happen to innocent people? If God is love, why does He let these things happen? In Irresistible Revolution, Shane says, “Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, ‘You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet.’”

Friends, I challenge you today. Are you being the body, the hands, the feet of Christ? Are you living love? Are you waking up each morning remembering that your purpose in life is to love? Are you loving God and loving people, all day, everyday?

By Dominique McKay

When dating, sometimes it’s easy to get into the mundane routine of dinner and a movie every Friday night. But once you’ve eaten at all the restaurants in town (more than a few times) or grown tired of shelling out up to $20 on a movie, how can you make dating fun and exciting while still affordable?

Here are 5 fun dating ideas you should try out:

1) Carnivals: Many local parks host various carnivals during the summer and what could be better than walking through the park, playing games and winning prizes? The two of you can enjoy taking a few photos in a photo booth or riding the Ferris Wheel to see the best views of the city. Add in a funnel cake large enough for two and you have the perfect place for a fun date filled with happy Kodak moments.

2) Hiking: I am the kind of girl who loathes strenuous physical activities, but I actually enjoy hiking. As long as the trek isn’t too physically exerting, I find this to be a fun date experience even with those who hate to exercise! Being outside in the warm sunshine and feeling the cool summer breezes always helps people to relax. So pick a day where the forecast is perfect and take your loved one on a sweet nature walk.

3) Painting: Many people say they are not artistic. But surprisingly enough this is usually because they haven’t ventured into any artistic activities. Painting is a great way to relax and enjoy time with someone. You can even go to a local art shop and pick out your paint colors, brushes and canvas together. Paint separate pictures for each other or one large print. It’s a great way to make a memory you can carry away with you and keep for a lifetime.

4) Cooking: Even if you’ve never cooked a day in your life, it’s fun to learn when you’re cooking with someone you really enjoy spending time with. So go to the local bookstore or library and pick out a fun cookbook. Travel to the local grocery store together and pick up all the things you will need for a new recipe. Even if the food turns out horrible, it’s the time you’ve spent together that makes it worthwhile.

5) Aquariums: Aquariums are the perfect combinations of zoos and museums. The fish are like moving pictures and always exciting and fun to view. One of the best things you can do with someone you love is learn new things and oftentimes aquariums are filled with fun information about life under the ocean that you can’t learn elsewhere. So Google a local aquarium and take your loved one on a visit!

By Kristi Lindner

You’re ready to let those butterflies take flight that have been fluttering around in your stomach…but what really happens from here? Who says what and what actually happens on a date? We’ve covered a lot of the basics already in the first two parts of what to look for in a guy and how to let him know that you’re interested in him. But now we’re at the point where there have been some pretty clear signals on both the part of the guy and the girl – we have two people that have several interests in common, committed relationships to the Lord are being carried out by each person individually, and each person has a basic understanding that dating can lead to marriage.

One more disclaimer before we begin: we personally don’t recommend this next base of dating until the second half of high school or into college but that is a decision that is left up to you, your parents or guardians, and God. A dating relationship is a fun and exciting time but can also stir up new emotions and feelings that need to be kept in check!

So, with that being said, for those of you girls that have a guy that you’re just about to burst at the seams with excitement over, we have one very simple word of encouragement: wait. I can imagine your face right now having gone from one of excitement to one of sheer agony. See the problem with this is that a girl is not the leader in a relationship. She is the responder. This is when we have to be careful not to step outside of our role as a young woman and step into the role of a young man. We believe that biblically speaking it is the guy’s responsibility to initiate a relationship…this includes being the first to express feelings for the other person, initiating the DTR (define the relationship) talk, and outlining what is involved in the relationship or where it is going. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to sit mute! After he expresses his feelings for you then it’s only fair to then tell him yours! After he initiates a DTR and tells you where he thinks your relationship is, then you can offer your input too! After he goes over what he wants to see happen in the relationship, then offer your wisdom too!

See, we believe that it’s biblical for the guy to lead because the Lord calls the man to responsibility all the way back in the garden with Eve. If you let a guy off the hook in biblically leading you now, then what’s going to happen 5 years down the road when you’re ready to get married?? As young women, we don’t want to interfere with a guy figuring out his role as a man!

Clay can you give us some insight on how to encourage you in your role?

Girls you need to be careful here, yes it is important to encourage your boyfriend to fulfill his role in the relationship. It is not his job to be the spiritual head of your relationship. That is your husband’s role. Your relationship with Jesus Christ should be the most important relationship you have. It is very personal, and to allow the guys you date to lead you in your relationship with Jesus is not recommended by Kristi and I. This kind of seriousness should be phased in during engagement. Not dating. We are not saying you can’t have conversations about the Bible, we are just saying to treat him as you would a friend in this area.

As far as waiting for the guy to make the move goes, don’t corner us into situations where you want an answer about how we feel or where we see this relationship going. We want to have these with you, but honestly we don’t like to talk about our feelings all the time. It may take some waiting on your part, but it will be worth it if you do wait. A pushy girl or a girl trying to be in charge of where things are going is a turn off.

Finally girls, get some input from people that you trust. Do your parents or other family members know this guy? Do they like him and speak highly of him? Would you be honored to be labeled with him? What are his friends like? Would you be comfortable hanging out with him and his friends?

Then, find someone that you trust and know will give it to you straight. This might be someone that is at least a few years older than you and has a walk with the Lord that you respect and learn from. Tell this person what’s going on between you and this guy and where your feelings are! And then keep telling them. Don’t hide anything that’s going on between the two of you and make sure you keep an open mind and heart as to what this person has to tell you!

The dating phase can be some exciting times but can also lead to some stress. Remember that when an actual dating phase begins, it limits your friendships with others. One, it takes away from your girl time. If you suddenly are being intentional with spending time with the bf, then the time you spend with your girl friends will dwindle. Two, your friendships with other guys don’t grow and may even lessen; I mean why would you need to get to know a different guy more intentionally when you are choosing to date a different one. If you aren’t ready for some of your friendships to change, then you may want to think about the commitment you are going to be making.

Well girls, I have to say that I would much rather sit down over coffee (or hot chocolate!) and talk about your specific situation than try to lay out some general guidelines. Dating is different for everybody and comes at different times for everyone. Some people end up marrying their high school sweethearts, others have their first date after college and some end up not dating at all. These articles just barely skim the surface of dating, not to mention not even going over physical boundaries! Our greatest advice is to seek out Godly counsel from someone around you that loves the Lord and cares about your well-being.

Don’t lose heart! God cares for you and about your relationship interests! And be sure to check out some great date ideas coming next month!

By Christi Duncan & Rebekah Hartman (YPastor’s Wives)

Girls are always looking for relationships, but sometimes in the wrong places. Because of our innate desire to connect with others, we are naturally drawn to people who will invest themselves in us. It’s a beautiful thing when these investors can be found within the local youth group.

In high school, we saw the necessity of having older women in our lives. Although finding a woman to confide in might sound like an easy task, we found that this type of relationship doesn’t develop overnight. Thankfully, we were able to find trustworthy women, sometimes outside of our youth groups, who we confided in and with whom we felt comfortable. Ideally, these women would have come from our churches, however. This is why, as youth pastors’ wives, connecting mentors with students has become one of our main goals.

Not every youth leader should be investing in you. That is why we wanted to give you some basic principles to look for in a youth leader that will encourage you and keep you strong in your faith. Pray that God would lead you to a trustworthy mentor and look for these qualities to find one.

• Godly Character

Our youth leaders are held to a higher standard. Since they are teaching God’s Word and sharing their hearts with our students, we want to make sure they are living a life that is glorifying their Savior. You will want to make sure the leader that is pouring into you has a good reputation and lives by God’s Word. Your mentor should have a strong understanding of the Scriptures. She should hold the Bible as the inerrant and infallible Word of God and have a daily quiet time.

• Quality Time

You want to have a leader that you can at least talk to once a week. Make sure your mentor has enough time on their schedule to get together with you face to face, and a willingness to mentor you. This time is very important to your own development. E-mail and phone calls are great, but the most intimate times are in person. If you see a woman that you would like to spend more time with, ask her. You will be surprised how willing most are to spend time with you.

• Common Interests

We have seen in our own lives that women with different interests have certainly poured into us, but our closest relationships have been with women that share the same passions we do. Most likely you will be drawn to people with common interests, but don’t exclude the ones that hold different interests than you.

Not all of the responsibility rests on the youth leaders. See if you can mentally check off your own qualities:

• Relationship with Christ

It’s simple. Are you are Christian? Do you want to grow in your relationship with Christ? Before you begin the process of finding a mentor, it’s important self-examine to see what point you’re at spiritually, and what you realistically are looking for in this type of friendship. Right now, you might not think that you need this type of accountability. We would challenge you to search your heart and decide if you truly have no need of a deeper connection with your spiritual leaders. If you have any promptings toward this end, it would probably be a good idea for you to at least consider moving forward with making yourself available to be mentored.

• Availability

We guarantee that if you would just make yourself available to your youth leader(s), she would be happy to make sure that you are paired with someone who has the desire to invest in your life. Church leaders are always thrilled when younger believers express any desire to grow in the Lord. So often, we deny our hearts the privilege of fellowship when we allow a need to go unspoken. This principle of being available applies to all of us. At every stage of life, we need older mentors to help us along the narrow path of faithful Christianity.

• Trust

An important facet of trusting leaders in your youth group is being open about the fact that you have a desire for someone to pour into your life, and then trusting the person with whom you’re paired. Many girls have come up to us in the youth group wanting friendship with another female, but most have trust issues because of backstabbing or gossip that happened in the past. This is a hurdle that must be crossed. You must know that there are women leaders who can be trustworthy. This goes both ways, however. You must be a trustworthy person as well.

• Sharing

In our culture of independence, where every person is an island, we are constantly encouraged to be self-sufficient and to develop a calloused sense of well-being. Contrary to this idea, Scripture commands us to follow a very different pattern of helping each other as believers in this way: “That I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you—that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith” (Romans 1:11-13 ESV). It is difficult to be mutually encouraging each other if we keep both our gifts and our struggles to ourselves. Jesus desires that we have close relationships with people that can help us grow in our gifting, and pray and encourage us through our struggles. As you ponder this idea, be praying that He will open your heart to be shaped and changed into a closer likeness of Him.

• Being Open to Criticism

Usually meeting with a person in leadership will require accountability. Most likely you will be asked what your struggles are and you will be asked weekly how you dealt with your struggles. You must be willing to be honest and tell your partner when you stumble. We all do, and it helps so much to have someone to help you up when you fall.

Hopefully these tips help build your desire to trust your leaders and give you ideas on what you should be looking for in your leaders at youth group. Remember that youth group is not just a time to come hang out with friends, but it is a time that should be spent molding you into the young woman God wants you to be. Usually this is done by older women pouring into younger women.

By Beth Jackson

Ever heard the expression “do as I say, not as I do”?  I was reading a nutritionist’s blog once where he was describing in fantastic detail his favorite meal from Chipotle. It was a flour tortilla stuffed with beef dripping with cheese and sour cream. Later on in the same blog he gave his healthy choice menu item from the same restaurant. Needless to say the healthy choice did not contain beef, cheese, or sour cream, and didn’t even come with a tortilla! He dismissed this discrepancy simply by stating, “Do as I say, not as I do!” Oh, if it were only so easy.

The truth is girls, we are always being watched to see if what we do matches what we say. This is especially true when we claim the name of Christ. After all, Christ Himself was questioned often by the religious leaders in the New Testament. Their goal? To try to trick Jesus into saying something that contradicted the way He acted. While this may seem like a lot of pressure, I challenge you to look at it from a different perspective: what an incredible privilege and opportunity you have to show Jesus to the world!

If you could be like anyone in the entire world, who would it be? List your top five role models and be honest…Ready? Go! I bet a lot of us have some type of celebrity on our list, maybe some of us listed our moms or our grandmas, perhaps you have an older sister or a best friend whom you admire and hope to be like. The fact is we all look for someone to model our lives after. The Bible even instructs us to do such. Titus 2 says, “Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live…Then they can teach the younger women…” The older women were instructed to live in an appropriate way so that the younger women could then learn from their Godly example. I used to read those verses and try to think of an “older woman” from whom I could learn. And that’s a great idea. Hopefully the Lord has brought mentors into your life that have a bit more life experience than you, a Godly woman or women from whom you can glean wisdom and knowledge. If you don’t have someone like that, I encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to send you a Godly mentor.

However, I saw those verses in a whole new light while I was reading the Old Testament one day and came upon these verses in II Kings: “Josiah was eight years old when he became king….He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord…” It occurred to me that if the Lord trusted an eight year old to reign over His chosen people, and that eight year old was able to reign in a way in which He was remembered as doing what was right in the eyes of the Lord, then the Lord could certainly use me to influence the lives of the people around me as a pre-teen or teenage girl. Rather than looking for a role model, the Lord made it clear that I could actually be that role model for someone else!

So, understanding that we are being watched by Christians and non-Christians alike, and choosing to see that as a great privilege in which the Lord can use us to influence the lives of others, we then have to be honest with ourselves and ask, “Does my life point others to Jesus?” Would Jesus be able to thousands of years from now write that I “walked in the ways of the Lord”? The world gives others plenty of “role models” but we know that Christ has called us to be different. We don’t want people to follow us because we have the cutest clothes, or have the nicest house, or have the best shoes. Solomon, the wisest man EVER, called those things vanity of vanities like chasing after the wind. We want people to follow us because we are following Jesus. It’s Him in us that should attract others to then follow. Matthew 5:16 says, “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

Girls, don’t let anyone look down on you because of your youth! Instead, remember that God chose Josiah to be King over his people at the ripe old age of eight! And, remember that Josiah led His people in the ways of the Lord. You have the same opportunity-to let the light of Jesus shine through you into a dark world. You don’t have to wait to “grow up” to be a role model. By following Jesus now and daily becoming more like Him, you can be the kind of role model where others can follow the example of what you do, not just what you say!

By Dominique McKay

If you’ve ever been the new kid in a new school you know there is always that one moment where your popularity level is clearly defined. For me this moment came at the age of 10.

After spending the previous three years living in Europe, my family and I moved to a new city in America and I enrolled in public school for the first time in my life. I had moved several times before, but this time was different. This time it was permanent.

My very first friend in America was a small blonde girl who happened to sit next to me on my first day of school. We became fast friends sharing our sparkly pencils and eating our school bought lunches together in the cafeteria each day. She was a perfectly wonderful friend.

In the midst of those first few weeks, I also befriended a group of girls in my class who wore the nicest clothes and always caught the attention of everyone in the room. They would ask me to join them in jump rope every day during recess and we’d take turns jumping and spinning the rope. They were a perfectly wonderful group of girls.

Then, one day the moment came.

As I was spinning the rope at recess, one the girls from the group pointed over to my very first friend who was standing nearby and said to the others, “She’s weird.” Another one of the girls chimed in behind her, turning to me and saying, “Yeah, we don’t like her.”

I stood there, still spinning the rope but secretly panicking wondering what I should say. I could stand up for my very first friend in America and be forever labeled along with her as “weird” or I could join in with the crowd of dirty name-calling and be welcomed into the world of popularity.

What would I chose?

There are so many times in our lives when we find ourselves at a similar crossroads choosing between pleasing the crowd or doing what we know is right.

The Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 1:10, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” As Christians, it’s not our mission to be one in the crowd nor is it our goal to please the crowd. It was the crowd who cheered as Christ came riding on a donkey into Jerusalem (Luke 19:37-38) and it was the same crowd who shouted out “crucify Him” as He stood before them in His final days (Luke 23:18-21).

Christ doesn’t call for us to be a part of the crowd, instead He calls for us to deny our selfish desires and this includes our desire for popularity. In Mark 8:34 He says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

So at 10-years-old, what did I chose?

I thought about it for a moment, but I knew in my heart what was right. Instead of joining in the name-calling I turned away from the group of girls and ran to be beside my very first friend in America. I never became one of the popular girls in school, but I never regretted that decision. In that one moment not only did I choose to do the right thing, but in doing the right thing I also chose to follow Christ. And in the end, that is all He asks of us.

By Kerri Porter

While preparing to write this article, I sat at my computer with a blank word document trying to collect all the thoughts I wanted to share. You see, it’s easy for me to write a personal letter to a friend because I know who they are and most of the time what they are going through. However, when writing for this webzine I have to come to terms with the fact that I don’t know who is reading it. I don’t know what each of you struggles with or goes through and for me that is a distant feeling. We each have a past and a story. Everyone is going through something.

I was reminded of the lyrics to Brandon Heath’s song when writing this article and thought I would share just the chorus of it:

Give me your eyes for just one second

Give me your eyes so I can see

Everything that I keep missing

Give me your love for humanity

Give me your arms for the broken hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach?

Give me your heart for the one’s forgotten

Give me your eyes so I can see

Recently my pastor spoke on the importance of fellowship. Surrounding yourself with people that will build you up, pray for you and help carry your burdens is so important as a Christian. Staying connected with other Christian girls is important in helping one another go through trials and challenges and not feel like you are alone. Do you ever wonder why God allows people to go through trials and tests? It’s not merely to sit back and hope that they make it through. He allows us to go through “mucky” times in life in order for us to be used in someone else’s life later. If we ask God to “give us His eyes” in order to see a need, He will put someone in our life that needs a word of encouragement or an ear to listen.

In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 it says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up!”

Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity”

You see, humans are not meant to be alone. We were created to fellowship and surround ourselves with friends and mentors. After college, I came home and discovered a missing gap in my life; fellowship. I had amazing Christian girl friends at college and when I came home I was missing that connection with them. Thankfully, we are still able to pray for one another and keep in touch. Surround yourself with solid Christian women that you feel comfortable opening up to. I have learned over the past two months that it is so important to pray and help others through whatever they are carrying at that time. Everyone has a story. Share yours with someone and I guarantee at some point God will use your story to help out a friend in need.

By Kirsten Wilson

Proverbs 31: 28 (ESV) “Her children rise up and call her blessed…”

I can’t remember the exact day that my mom became my best friend, but one day it just happened.

When I was in Jr. High I didn’t consider my mom a “cool mom” (Sorry Mom!). I was always a little jealous of my friend’s moms who played the “best friend” role instead of the “mom” role. Those moms who would cover for other kids when they cut class, the ones who didn’t give their kids a curfew, the ones who didn’t bat an eyelash if their kid was out all night at a party.

My mom was an overprotective mom. She would call other parents to make sure that they would be home when I was hanging out at a friend’s house and she would look up the movie I wanted to see on Focus on the Family’s Plugged In Online to make sure it was appropriate. Growing up I did not dare think about cutting class and I had a curfew that was strongly enforced. You could say growing up I had a “mom,” not a “best friend” like most of my friends did.

Although I did not understand it then, I understand it now. Many of my friends who had these “best friend moms” live a life very different than the way I do now. Needless to say I am no longer jealous.

At the time I did not see it, but as I got older and as I gained her trust she did ease up on some of her rules. Even though they were no longer necessarily enforced, she trusted me to do the right thing and make the wise choice.

Though I didn’t know it then, my overprotective, sometimes crazy mother was instilling very important life principles in my life that I would not realize until I was an adult. By not cutting class, I learned the importance of school and it prepared me for college. Having supervision at friend’s houses prevented me from getting into trouble. And “making me” to go to church taught me the importance of having a relationship with Christ and willfully choose to go to church each Sunday.

Looking back I am so thankful that growing up I had a “mother” instead of a “best friend.” I’m so thankful for every time she grounded me when I lied or talked back. I’m thankful that she did not allow me to hang out with certain people and that she “forced me” to go to church. I believe it was because of these motherly actions that today we are best friends.

P.S. Mom, I apologize for all gray hairs you may one day accumulate because of my teenage years.

Then

Now