Lily Girls Magazine

By Kristi Rabenhorst

You’ve been watching the same guy for several weeks, maybe even several months, but you’re just not sure if something is there or not. Or maybe you are pretty sure he’s interested in you but you’re not sure where to go from here.  Dating seems like a pretty big step from where you’re at and you really would like to know if he’s interested in you or if this is going to go anywhere…

Clay and I want to give you some helpful insight about how to let a guy know that you’re interested and how you can tell if he’s interested in you. Everyone is different, therefore, everyone communicates just a little bit differently. We will try to help you out in understanding if that cute new guy might have some interest in you!

Before we begin though, we want to remind you that junior high really is one big get to know you phase. These are years when its i important to really just try to get to know the people around you and learn about who you are. Dating, and even thinking about dating, is a phase we recommend waiting for until late high school or even college.

First, how you give signals to let the guy know that you’re interested? Well, start by just being yourself around him. You are almost for-sure going to be nervous but try try try to just act like yourself. If a guy is going to like you, you want him to be interested in you!  Let’s say you are both at the same game night: don’t cling to his side, but if there is an opening at the game he is playing, choose to play there. Or if there is a seat around where he is sitting, choose to sit there. This doesn’t have to be right next to him, but close enough that if a conversation should start, you are within talking distance. When you do talk, make eye contact. Again, you will probably be nervous but make it a point to look him in the eye and speak clearly and concisely. Try not to ramble on about something random, but if that does happen, that’s ok!

Now for the flip side, what if there is a guy that you’re just not interested in? Well, you pretty much need to do the opposite of what we just said. If you’re both at the same game night, don’t make it a point to get in the same game and don’t try to sit within conversation distance. In fact, you may want to distance yourself as much as you can. As girls, we do not want to give mixed signals. That means even if you are in the mood for a good conversation, if you think a guy might be interested in you and you don’t have any interest in him, then don’t choose him to go sit and talk with. You also wouldn’t want to choose him to be your partner in the next round of cards. Be considerate of that guy’s feelings and don’t play games with him (literally and figuratively!).

Clay, what has helped you to know when a girl was interested in you? Well, as guys, it is nice when we are able to initiate the conversations, but it helps if a girl takes interest in us. When we ask you a question, it is usually polite to ask the same question back or a different one. I can generally tell if a girl is not interested if the answers to my questions are just “yes” or “no” answers—it probably isn’t going anywhere then.  Don’t think that this means you can talk our ears off; its better to leave us wanting more than for us to be annoyed at your ramblings. So girls, be easy on us guys; if we start up a conversation with you, give us some feedback and ask us some questions as well! Don’t play the silent game and wonder why we got up and left, cut us a break and talk! (This is assuming that you are interested, if you are not, please stick with yes or no answers and hopefully then we will get the point.)

Thanks Clay! Now girls, its important that we not get carried away in giving signals. As girls, we get anxious to get things figured out and out into the open, but that is not our role. This is important. If you start taking charge at these very beginning stages, it will only carry into other areas of your relationship and that is not what you want. You see, a guy is made to be in the head position of a relationship and girls are made to be helpers. Both of these roles are extremely important, when they are mildly out of line, the relationship is not functioning the best that it could. And girls, do we really want lazy, unassertive guys? No! We want guys that are willing to sweat a little and tell us how they feel! We want guys that are willing to initiate the conversation! We want guys that will lead us in biblical relationships!

Giving signals is exactly that: giving a signal. It is not playing a game. It is not taking charge. It is not some new code of communicating. It is simply us girls trying to let a guy know that he gives us butterflies.

Clay, do you have something you want to add? Sometimes we get a little nervous asking girls to do things. I remember building up the confidence to call Kristi and ask her if she wanted to play ultimate frisbee with some friends. Her response was that she was busy for the night, but she did say, “maybe some other time.” This was a bit vague to me as I didn’t know whether to keep trying or take that as a clue that she wasn’t interested. So ladies, when a guy asks you to do something and you’re not busy, say yes (no playing hard to get!). If you are busy, but are interested in the guy, then tell him you have plans that night but then give him a night when you are free! This helps us to understand that you are interested in getting to know us better.

Also, don’t rush us in getting our feelings out in the open. Not to sound too harsh but if we’re really interested in you, we will eventually have the tough conversations of talking about how we feel. After we tell you how we feel, you can give us some insight into how you feel.

Finally girls, when you are interested in a guy, its important to be intentional in your conversation with him, while still not sharing too much. Now is the time, before the dating stage, to really try to find out more than the basics about the guy you’re interested in. Hopefully you already know his basic interests and the way he treats people. But we have some other very important topics to cover!  First, if you’re a Christian, and he isn’t a Christian, dating, or even thinking about dating, is not a wise decision. I don’t recommend sharing intimate details about your walk with the Lord with a guy you’re interested in, however, simply talking about your faith is a good thing. You want to know if he loves the Lord as well!

You will also want to find out if you share things in common with each other. This could range from coming from similar families, enjoying the same outdoor activities, loving the same books, listening to the same music, watching the same sports, craving the same ethnic food, or collecting the same item. If you ever date this person you’re going to spend a lot of time with them and enjoying the same activities will make that much more enjoyable!

How he treats people is also extremely important. You really want to try to see some of his heart before dating. If you see that he looks out for the loners, holds the door open for girls, and really respects his mom, then you’ve probably got a winner! Pay attention to how he treats everyone, not just his sports team or close friends. You really do want to find out as much as you can to make sure you’re not in for a bad surprise.

Anything else you want to add, Clay? I can’t stress enough how important it is that you share the same relationship with Jesus Christ. This relationship affects your worldview, your morals, and your basic sense of right and wrong. Be bold and find out if he has a relationship with the Lord and where he is attending church to grow in that relationship.

It’s also important to us guys that we can share in some of the same activities with you. This doesn’t mean that you have to suddenly pretend that you love watching the Cowboys, but I wouldn’t want to be with a girl that I found little to nothing in common with. Everyday activities can be dates when you’re with a girl that you like so its nice when you have a lot in common to do together.

Thanks Clay! Well girls, we hope this gave you some helpful hints in how to let a guy know that you’re interested and what are some additional steps you can take before the actual dating phase would begin. Leave us a comment and let us know if you’ve ever been in a situation where you didn’t know if someone was interested or not and how you handled it. Or, let us know if you have any other questions about the pre-dating stage!  Check back next month for more basics on dating!